I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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