PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
