He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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