glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
