Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
