Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
