She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
