So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
