I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
