And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
