i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
