Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
