can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
