So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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