I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
