She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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