When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
