I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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