You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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