I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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