Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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