My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
