Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
