i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize