She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
