Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
