At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
