Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
