worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
