I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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