NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
