WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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