good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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