he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
