i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
