I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
