The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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