So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
