Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
