So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
