Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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