Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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