There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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