i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
