She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
