She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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