I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize