i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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