marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
