Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
