you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
