real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there is glitter all over my balls
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
