oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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