Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
