i just wanna soil my oats bro
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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