I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
