Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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