i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
