after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
