if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
