I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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