i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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